What Do Happy Women Know That The Rest Of Us Don't?
Last month, a friend told me she had bought a vibrator.
Not shocking.
The shocking part was that she whispered it.
As if she had just purchased illegal plutonium.
Which made me wonder:
Why are women completely comfortable discussing anti-aging injections, laser treatments, expensive skincare, and colonoscopies...
But become strangely nervous talking about pleasure?
Interesting priorities.
A woman can spend €300 trying to look younger.
Nobody blinks.
She spends €30 trying to have a better orgasm.
Suddenly everyone becomes a philosopher.
The older I get, the more I notice a pattern.
The women having the most fun are usually breaking at least one rule.
Not marriage rules.
Not legal rules.
The invisible rules.
The ones nobody wrote down.
The ones that sound like:
"Nice women don't do that."
They don't buy lingerie for a random Tuesday.
They don't read spicy books.
They don't walk into a sex shop.
They definitely don't own more than one toy.
And if they do, they certainly don't admit it over lunch.
The funny thing?
The women ignoring those rules seem suspiciously happy.
Take my friend Sophie.
At 43, she became obsessed with figuring out why she could organize a family vacation involving six adults, three children, two dogs, four hotel reservations, and a rental car...
Yet couldn't tell you exactly what gave her pleasure.
A strange gap in her skill set.
So she approached it like a project.
Not a sexy project.
An investigation.
First came an erotic novel.
Then a water-based lubricant she'd always been curious about.
Then a tiny bullet vibrator that looked far less intimidating than the internet had suggested.
Three weeks later she called me.
Not to discuss orgasms.
To discuss disappointment.
Apparently she'd wasted fifteen years assuming she didn't enjoy certain things.
Turns out she'd simply never tried the right things.
That's the trap.
Women often think pleasure is something you're supposed to magically know.
Nobody expects this logic anywhere else.
Imagine buying your first pair of shoes and declaring:
"Well, these hurt. I guess feet aren't for me."
Ridiculous.
Yet women do this with pleasure all the time.
One woman discovers she loves clitoral stimulation.
Another discovers she prefers teasing and anticipation.
Another realizes fantasy card games turn her on more than any romantic dinner ever has.
Another buys lingerie and remembers she owns a body, not just a calendar.
Another discovers warming gel and suddenly understands why people keep talking about foreplay.
Life comes at you fast.
Maybe that's why the women having the most fun usually break the rule.
Not because they're wilder.
Not because they're sexier.
Because they're curious.
And curiosity has a funny habit.
It keeps leading people somewhere interesting.
Usually one experiment at a time.